I am so trying to figure out how we are going to do this holiday. We usually have a huge Christmas (3+ trees, gifts galore, baking, visiting different holiday spots and more...). I spoke with my family and I am so not in the mood this year. My hunny bunny was trying to delve in and see what is was all about and the "deep" reasons for my feelings and I became frustrated and yelled out "My Mother died!!". There was silence and then I knew he "got" it... and I "got" it...it really seemed to make sense and there was silence. As we were silent I felt this relief...this pressure was released and it felt good. It felt good to say...MY MOTHER DIED!!! There does not have to be anything deep or profound...there only has to be that for my. I don't have to apologize, I don't have to try to make sense of these feelings, I don't have to do anything but know...know that this is hard and I am not sure how to handle this holiday thing this year. I told the girls about not having a holiday this year and they were silent. I can understand that. After speaking to hunny bunny and getting somethings out there I think we will find a happy medium. A place where we can all be content (happy is to strong of a word right now...at least for me...). I am not sure what type of holiday we will have but at least we are talking about it and I am confident we all reach an agreement...who would have every thought this would be a bridge we would have to cross at this point in our lives...*sigh*

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone had a wonderful day and did not forget to stop and be thankful for all the blessings in their lives. My hunny bunny and the girls felt it would be best if I did not cook so we went to a restaurant with my dad and in-laws. I am so thankful for such a thoughtful family and even though I did not enjoy the meal, I did enjoy being with my family. Hunny Bunny is so wonderful and thoughtful and I am soooo thankful for him! He completes me. In the end I was glad I did not cook, I was able to enjoy my family and think of my Mom and remember her and yes...miss her. This was the first Thanksgiving without her and I truley missed her so much! I am so thankful for knowing her and the many special memories I have of her.





We went to see the Movie "The Blind Side" this afternoon (hunny bunny, the girls and myself). It was such a great family movie! I loved it. I loved how a family took in a stranger and loved him as one their own and how "family" counts!!! I also loved how love can do so much when applied to people and in people! The acting was good and I loved the "little brother"...he was adorable! If you get a chance please see it!!! It is a great movie!!!!

i have been thinking about life changes lately for myself...no not those changes that we have no control over...i have had my share of those this year and an still dealing with those. No, I am speaking about those things i can control...and as i have been thinking about that i am discovering some things about myself...interesting things, things that have stopped me in my tracks, things that i want to walk away from but feel i need to look at. i must confess, this life changing thing has taken me to a new place. i know i am here for a reason but i am not sure what to do. i know i need to make some changes and i know in the end it will be for the good but boy, oh boy...i am really just starting to realize...I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE!!!! ok...why would that be a shock...i am a traditional person who will have the same breakfast every morning and do the same thing every night if i allowed myself to. Yes, that same person is shocked at how much i do not like change...but more so i do not think i like the fact that i could be a change agent...me!!! I believe I am at that place in life when I need to become my own CHANGE AGENT. I need to make changes. I need to take those steps to change things in my life that are not healthy for me. I need to do this...not my hunny bunny, my girls or even God...ME...MYSELF...I!!! And guess what...it scares me crazy to see that let alone believe it. I know what I need to do but I don't want to be the one to do it...interesting!!! I need to "marinate" on this and see what becomes of it...