I am so trying to figure out how we are going to do this holiday. We usually have a huge Christmas (3+ trees, gifts galore, baking, visiting different holiday spots and more...). I spoke with my family and I am so not in the mood this year. My hunny bunny was trying to delve in and see what is was all about and the "deep" reasons for my feelings and I became frustrated and yelled out "My Mother died!!". There was silence and then I knew he "got" it... and I "got" it...it really seemed to make sense and there was silence. As we were silent I felt this relief...this pressure was released and it felt good. It felt good to say...MY MOTHER DIED!!! There does not have to be anything deep or profound...there only has to be that for my. I don't have to apologize, I don't have to try to make sense of these feelings, I don't have to do anything but know...know that this is hard and I am not sure how to handle this holiday thing this year. I told the girls about not having a holiday this year and they were silent. I can understand that. After speaking to hunny bunny and getting somethings out there I think we will find a happy medium. A place where we can all be content (happy is to strong of a word right now...at least for me...). I am not sure what type of holiday we will have but at least we are talking about it and I am confident we all reach an agreement...who would have every thought this would be a bridge we would have to cross at this point in our lives...*sigh*