communication...

it is a love hate relationship...to communicate or not to communicate (when i say communicate i don't mean chit chat...we do that every day...). i think communication is essential to every relationship. i also think communication is a bittersweet thing...the truth and nothing but the truth (???)...please! the truth can set you free but it can also force you into places you do not want to go (dark places, places of illusions...). communication...it's like air to life...without it a relationship will perish. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but there will be a point in that relationship where it will cease to be. How can it not? Going through life's journeys without expressing yourself, your inner thought, your deepest fears, your ugliest secrets, your incredible dreams???? How does one truly live if they do not share these things? Communication...it is such a vital part of humanity (how does one have a relationship with Christ if they cannot communicate??).

One is the sad things about communication is the ability to want to communicate, the desire to share yourself, the passion of wanting to have someone share them self with you and the sadness of knowing they will not do it. They will not share...they will not communicate (they can chit chat but they cannot communicate). This is such a frustrating and ugly place to be. You can try and try but they choose to put up walls...thick brick walls! You try to go over them, under them, through them and nothing...you think you have made some progress and BOOM! another brick, a thicker layer, more grout...anything and everything to keep the wall erect. Slowly the air is dissipating and weariness sets in (trying to get through walls is a very exhausting endeavor). What to do???

You can exist on the side of the wall. Wait for those rare moments when a drawbridge comes down. Wait for the times when you are allowed to "see" them (the time factor is determined strictly by the one behind the wall). Wait...wait and hope one day the walls will tumble down and the relationship can be flooded with communications (good, bad, angry, loving...it does not matter is is communication!!).

*sighy* Communication...to or not to?????